My Life in Ruins

A few days ago, I watched My Life in Ruins. The story about a woman tour guide who know everything about the object history. But, while she explain history, nobody's (tour's members) want to hear history. They did their activity. Pray, when they visited the old church, take a photo, saw the object, etc. Not only that, her tour's member's made her mad. A grandma who thief, an angrier old man, etc ( actually I didn't watch the whole story, just 1 last hour). One day, the angrier old man, said, that was a worse tour he ever joined during 20 years, because.... And the tour guide, who lost her patient, said, "Of course she did, maybe now she enjoy in somewhere.. " he went without his wife. And then she realized.. "I'm so sorry" she apologized the grandpa. From that incident, she being closer with the old man. The old man said, Georgia (the tour guide) too tensed, he told his experienced when he was young, he got a very2 interesting job, he was a ice cream taster, how he loved his wife even though they got angry each other everyday. And Georgia said " I want to be like you", the old man told her she had to open , enjoy her life, a lot of having sex.. Okay, the last word, different culture I guess :D. The point is open and enjoy your life.

It's same with seminar which I joined one week ago. I Love Me is its title. The point is openness. BUT every secret we open, there's a risk. Usually, the sentence " Please, don't tell anybody..." has a bigger risk to open to the other. We have to open. How can we adapted with our environment if we're introvert? But, we have to realized about the risk. A good personality, is we can accept our power and our weakness. Yesterday, I realized that my bad past is a part of my life. I have to accept that. Slowly... :)

And, yeah, life is learning process. We learn from the other people, and maybe people learn from us.

Food without Beverage

When I didn't want to eat, but I have to eat, or I'll be sick, I think these food :

Twilight

I know all of you already know what's Twilight. The Cullen, Vampire, Werewolf are difficult to forget, right? And I don't want to tell you about its story, but my story had correlation with Twilight, I guess.

It was begin when my dad planned to sent me to abroad, for continue my study, post-graduate- master, and he expect I can work there too. He had reasons for that. That's impossible, if I go to somewhere, where there's not my country without speak English, so i have to increase my English. However its way. And it happen while my mom's friend give me her daughter novels (her daughter study in Sing with scholarship). And she offered me if i want to being her daughter's novels owner. So I said yes and between on that books, I (and my mom) found a few (2 or 3) English novels. So, my mom push me to read that novels, even tough I very very lazy maybe even to touched it. Slowly, I started to read it. One by one, with dictionary of course. After I finished all of novel, that didn't over yet. My mom keep push me to read an English novels, not Indonesian anymore. While i want to buy novels which it's same series which novels I read before, my mom said "Don't choose it! It's a Children books" at same time she pointed the signpost "CHILDREN BOOKS". I sighed. My mom want me to read a teenage novels (or maybe 18+ novels? :)) ). Okay. How I could read if its language so difficult for me? I didn't want to open dictionary again (actually,.. lazy :D). And through conversation with Sandra, I supposed Twilight novel more easy than Harry Potter. Its language I mean. Differences English, US with UK. You know.

When I started to read Twilight, I still needed dictionary, sometimes I opened it, sometimes I guess its meaning. And I helpful with chatting with some friends from abroad and helpful with TV's series like Bones or Criminal Minds. NCIS too.

And, now, I am. Reading Breaking Dawn, which is that's 4th books of Twilight Saga. I didn't buy the pocket book for this book, it already sold out. There's just a big book (very big for me). So I bought it, and I read it. Its language not too difficult I guess, not like what I thought before ( I thought its language more difficult than the pocket book because that's big :P). So far, I understand its story.

About my dad's plan. I pretty excited about it. That's why I try to increase my English. Now, I pretty enjoy about learn English, except if I feel tired. lol. Because I need more concern to read English than when I read Indonesian and still difficult to tell you what I'm talking about (that's why I need 2-3 days to post this story, find exact word in English)
I need to increase my English. More and more. Until I reach what I want. This story is only one way to increase my English, and I need to learn English in formal structure because that's what I need first to continue my study..... in abroad :)

NB: I know if I read Indonesian books without 'touch' English books, my English will be bad again (and it happen). That's why I keep to read English novels :D

Atma vs Binus

Jad gini, dari TK ampe SMA kan gue bersekolah di sekolah Katolik, nah, ngga salah donk kalo gue juga maunya kuliah juga di universitas katolik? Heheh.. jadi, setiaap ngelewatin gedung Atama, dalam hati, tepatnya pikiran gue berpikir, ini akan jadi kampus gue nantinya. Trus, daftarlah gue ke Atma seperti keinginan gue, lalu tes, dan bla..bla..bla.. akhirnya pengumuman tes itu pun tiba, sebelom buka webistenya, untuk ngeliat hasil tes, gue berdoa dulu.. dan.. tereng.. teng.. teng.. gue DITOLAK! Bahasa halusnya tidak diterima, coba di lain kesempatan, dan bla..bla..bla.. again.. gue shock bener2. Temen gue yang nilai2 sekolahnya di bawah gje aja diterima kenapa gue nggak?! Kesel dan teman2nya itu pun bermunculan. Terpaksalah gue di pilihan kedua, Binus. Padahal itu brosurnya udah gue buang loh.. hehehee. Di Binus, gue inget banget tuh, hari minggunya tes masuk di saat gue masih demam berdarah. Oia, sebelomnya, gue masih mengusahakan segala cara supaya gue masih bisa diterima di Atma. Gue maunya ikut tes gelombang kedua, eh.. tak disangka, itu nyamuk menggigit gue di saat yang menurutnya tepat. Sabtu panas tinggi, ampe 40⁰, minggunya tes masuk Atma. Alhasil, gue ngga bisalah masuk, tanpa harus susah2 ngerjain tes.. haha.. :D. nah, minggu depannya, gue tes Binus tuh. Udah badan masi panas, masi puyeng, ikutlah gue tes itu. Ditemenin kak Olive, ditungguin dia di depan kelasnya, gue ikut tesnya. Trus, bala..bla..bla.. again..again.. Maksudnya tuh sebelom pengumuman tesnya, gue kan sekolah dan ini-itu. Gue akhirnya DITERIMA. Ngga usah pake bahasa halus lagi, gue bener2 diterima. Dan, gue lulus sekolah, kuliah, dan tahulah gue alas an kenapa gue ngga diterima di Atma. Hmm.. Mungkin lebih tepatnya mungkin gue tau, karena Aku memang manusia biasa, yang tak sempurna, dan gampang salah *nyanyi. Dan karena alas an tersebut, gue menyadari Tuhan sayang gue. First, gue mungkin ga bakal kuat.Kata temen gue via temen gue yg satunya lagi (?), di Atma itu psikologinya sibuk. Semester atas aja hr minggu pun masuk, karena mereka juga kebanyakan lapangan. Mereka emang kebanyakan praktek juga sih, yah, gue kan ga bsa terlalu cape, klo msk Atma, kemungkinan ga kuat fisiknya. Second, AC-nya Atma dingin gila. Bsa beser gue kedinginan. Di Binus, biar kata dingin tapi ngga dingin2 amat. Malah Di Kijang panas Ac-nya. Hahah... :D.. Lagian kedinginan ga bsa konsen juga guenya. And Third, gue juga bru tau cuma Binus dan 1 univ lain yg punya psikologi seksualitas. Jadi, bukunya langsung dari Amrik, Psikologi UI aja katanya ga ada. Oia, masi ada yg keempat. Di Binus jadwal mata kuliahnya teratur. Ga ada tuh ambil matkul ini-itu. Semua udh dijadwalin. Semesster 5 baru mulai ambil pilihan. Itu juga ditentuin berapa sks-nya. Maih ada yg ke-5! Di Binus, gue membiasakan diri open mind thdp keprcayaan lain. Dan di Atma, mungkin gue ga nemuin org2 kaya Davy, Asa, Fhei, Pak Reza, dan temn2 lain.. hihihi.. dan mungkin ntar2nya gue akan menemukan alasan2 lain yg bisa membuat gue semangat!

Jadi, biar org omong apa aja, gue ini yg ngejalanin.. Biar kata Atma lebih bagus psikologi-lah, Binus bagusnya tuh IT-lah, klo memang gue ga kuat di fisik, bukannya mala akan rugi? Toh, gue masuk psikologi juga sesuai keinginan gue, dan gue juga yg ngejalanin. Dan gue jadi punya alasan kenapa Tuhan tidak mengijinkan gue di Atma.

:D:D:D

My Kid

Pertama kali kenal dia, itu anak lagi masukin palanya di antara kaki nyokapnya.. Gue inget banget si nyokap blg " Udah donk, Mas, nanti jatoh lagi" yah intinya gitu lah kira2. Gue tanya namanya, nyokapnya sih yg jawab. trus gue tanya2in.. Ada gambar strawberry, gw tanya "ini apa?" dia diem bentar "Straw.." gue pancing2 "Strawberry" jawabnya.. "Pinter". Namanya Wisnu.. Alessandro Wisnu Tegar Tri Ekayudi. emm.. tiap waktu ada aja golden child gue (tahu ini b.inggrisnya bener/ga). Entah cewe/cwo. Sebenernya sih ngga boleh ya.. Kan guru ga boleh beda2in anak. Kali ini namanya Wisnu. Lucu deh pokoknya.. Adeknya, Caroline Sekar Leani Ayudi Putri, atau Ciput, her nickname. Waktu pertama kali si Ciput liat gue, dahinya berkerut gitu. Bingung kali ya.. Dulu masih bayi si Ciput ini. Sekarang udah bisa bilang mama-mama.. Walopun semua dipanggil mama. Enggak Mas-nya, papanya, ataupun mamanya. Wisnu.. emm.. gue susah ngungkapin, yg jelas, gue suka sama dia, sayang sm dia as his sister. Gue bisa dibilang cukup deket dgn keluarganya. Ternyata Eyang kakungnya dia guru pengganti kimia di SMP gue dulu. Suatu kali, dia bilang, " kak Inez warnain juga donk".. Aduhh.. senengnya gak keruan. Kalimatnya simple, tapi bermakna buat gue. Dia menganggap gue ada. Ciput juga sekarang ga berkerut lagi klo liat gue. Dia mau gue gendong.. hehehe..Moga2 aja ya, dia dateng besok.. :).. Pernah dia marahin gue (loh?).. *Gak kebalik ya? Marahin khas anak kecil sih. Gak sabaran. Intinya, gue sayang sama dia, kayak kaka-adik. Gue anggep dia sbg adik gue sendiri.

Wisnu-Ciput

pemikiran yg salah

Gue tau ini salah. Gue tahu gue ngga boleh punya perasaan seperti ini. Setiap orangmilik semua. I mean, gue ingin, orang2 terdekat gue. Temen2 gue terutama, gue ngga pengen mereka ngelupain gue. Gue ingin selalu diingat sama mereka. Seperti saat ini. Ketika salah seorang temen gue, yang menurut gue cukup perhatian sama gue temenan sama orang lain, gue takut dia bakal ngelupain gue. Gue tau itu SANGAT SALAH. Pemikiran yang SANGAT SALAH. Tapi gue takut kehilangan temen. Gue takut temen2 gue ngelupain gue. Mungkin, kembalilagi, ini terkait sama masa2 sekolah gue. Di mana, gue tahu mencari dan mendapatkan temen yang bener2 baik, ngga gampang sama sekali ngga gampang. Bahkan, temen yg gue anggap baik pun ternyata juga ‘di belakang’, walaupun ngga sepenuhnya seperti para pengejek gue wkt itu. Orang boleh bilang, gue harus hidup ke masa ke depan, bukan masa lalu. Ya bener banget itu. Tapi, bukankah masa lalu juga terkait dengan masa depan, juga sebaliknya? Sanagt susah melupakan apa yg terjadi pada masa2 sekolah dulu. Sekarang, mungkin gue bisa ketawa, atau hal2 menyenangkan lainnya… tapi, ketika ada satu pengalaman, bahkan satu hal kecil aja, yg menurut gue berkaitan dgn masa lalu, itu akan mengorek kembali kenangan2 buruk. Gue udah coba berdamai dgn pergi ke SMA gue dulu. Mencoba, merasakan apa yg gue rasakan saat itu. Apa senang karena bisa nostalgialah istilahnya. Tapi biasa aja… seneng juga ngga… sangat biasa… beda dgn ketika gue mengunjungi SMP gue. Yah, walaupun, sama seperti SMA, SMP pun gue mendapat perlakuan yang sama. Tapi, entah kenapa, begitu cintanya gue sama PL, gue pun merasa nyaman di situ, juga dgn mantan guru2 gue. Mereka menyambut gue dgn ramah. Menanyakan kabar gue. Sebenernya, waktu gue ke SMA kemaren juga gitu. Mereka nanya kabar, ngajak ngobrol, tapi gue udaah terlalu, apa… ngga suka… banyak kenangan pahit…

hhh... kapan gue bisa melupakan kenangan itu????

Kalo liat blog orang lain, kayaknya pada, penuh cerita2 lucu, menarik, dll. Blog gw sendiri hanya sebagian yg isinya menggembirakan, lainnya? Ada yg sedih. Yah, walaupun belum keseluruhan dari cerita hidup gue. Tapi gue udah bisa memperkirakannya… bukannya negative thinking ya… tapi, banyak cerita hidup gw yg belom terbongkar. Cerita tersebut belom, dan gue harap suatu hari nanti, mau gue ceritain (tanpa air mata gue). Davy bilang, gue mesti bangkit dari masa lalu. Bokap bilang, gue ngga usah peduliin mereka

, cuma nyiksa diri sendiri. Apa gue bisa? Yg lain bilang, gue mesti tetep semangat. Apa gue bisa? Gue ngga bisa membayangkan masa depan. Gue takut akan masa depan. Diliat dari luar, mungkin gue anak yang yah…. Bisa dibilang enak. Anak tunggal, dimanja, dlll. Tapi diliat dari dalam, gue rasa ngga kayak gitu. Satu masalah yg ngga ada perubahan yg lebih baik, tetep aja ada. Masalah itu berkembang. Dan membuat gue bener2 stress. Maunya nulis di blog. Tapi, klo orang2 yg bersangkutan baca, gue belum siap nerima responnya.
hidup ini indah. ada yg bilang begitu. ada yg bilang hidup harus dinikmatin. yg lain bilang, hidup kadang di atas, kadang di bawah. buat gue sendiri, pendapat ke tigalah yg cocok buat gue. hanya, spertinya hidup gue lebih banyak di bawah...